Unravel
by time4moxie
Summary: Pam always knows where Jim is. Always. Spoilers up to The Return.
1. Chapter 1

She knew where he was. She always knew where he was. From the minute Jim walked in the door and hung his coat on the hook, the usual "Good Morning, Pam" on his lips, to the last second of the door closing against the blue wool of his winter coat, Pam knew exactly where in the office Jim was at all times. It wasn't something she did on purpose, not really. It wasn't like she was a stalker obsessed. It was just that she was so aware of him, even when she was looking in a completely different direction even when he was in the farthest point in the office from her. It was if he had a homing beacon and the transmitter was buried right within her heart. She was incapable of not knowing where he was. 

Because his presence was always foremost in her mind, she was also very good at sensing his moods. Sitting across from her desk, Pam could look at the curve of his back, the slant of his broad shoulders, and know if he was in an approachable mood, or if he would be distant to her. The raise of a brow, a tentative bite of his lip, these were all part of Jim's body language that Pam was fluent in. The only part of him that remained a mystery to her were his eyes. All too often, in the small fragments of moments they shared these days, there seemed to be something behind his eyes when he spoke to her. Something she couldn't understand, something that had nothing to do with whatever trivial thing they were discussing. In bed at night, she let herself hope that it was a flicker of the love for her he hadn't yet lost. That it was a sign that she still had a chance. In the light of day, with Karen's presence tangible, she couldn't bring herself to hope like that. Not usually, anyway.

But because of her awareness of Jim, she started to see tiny little signs that maybe hope wasn't completely unreasonable. The first came the day she found Jim sitting alone in the break room. He was simply radiating unhappiness and she found it impossible not to cross that invisible line he'd drawn between them. She had to know what was wrong. She had to try and help him feel better. Her courage was rewarded when he surprised her by opening up to her, the first time in so long she could have cried at the contact.

She saw that unreadable look in his eyes again when he told her about his fear of Karen living too close to him. What her heart said was that maybe his hesitation meant that he knew Karen wasn't the one for him, maybe he wanted to give her, Pam, another chance. What came out was that he should go easy on Karen. It was a common miscommunication problem between Pam and her heart. And when he thanked her for being a friend, she saw that look again, and pretended that maybe it meant he'd heard what she really wanted to say. 

Maybe that's why she wasn't as afraid the second time she approached him to ask what was wrong. They had laughed together over Andy's meltdown, examining the destruction he was capable of incurring on half-inch plasterboard. She noticed that he'd laughed louder than at any point since his return. He laughed like her Jim, and when their eyes met, she saw warmth and humor. She saw nothing unreadable behind his eyes. But a moment passed and he retreated, saying he needed to talk to Kevin. She nodded and moved to mix back into the crowd, talk to Toby, listening to Kelly give fashion advice. But her eyes followed him, and she always knew where Jim was.

She saw him go into the conference room alone, looking deep in thought. She was about to make a move to join him, to keep their connection open, when she saw Karen move first. Pam sighed, opportunity lost. She had no choice but to covertly observe them because that's the price she paid for missing her chance months ago. She didn't expect to see Karen almost immediately leave the conference room, nor watch her take her purse out of her desk, grab her coat and walk out of the office. Karen's departure was noted by no one but Pam.

Pam walked toward the conference room, but the look on Jim's face told her it was best to leave him alone. She eventually went back to her desk, but her eyes never left his face. Minutes later, she watched him grab his coat and walk out the door. He didn't once look at her as he passed.

Pam remained after hours, offering to clean up the piñata debris so the others could fight their way home in the snow. She insisted she felt safer driving after the congestion of rush hour, but it was Jim's messenger bag still under his desk that told her to stay. She was alone with her wastebasket, kneeling on the floor in front of the copier picking up bits of crepe paper and hard candies when she heard the office door open. She knew before she looked up that it was Jim.

"Hey," she said quietly, looking up at him as he walked over to his desk. "I thought you might be back."

"What are you still doing here?" He asked. Even from where she sat, she could see that something behind his eyes.

She indicated the explosion in front of her. "Cleaning up the crime scene," she said, offering a piece of candy his direction. "Peppermint twist?"

She saw him smile despite himself. "Sure," he said. "Let me help you get this stuff cleaned up."

He took the candy out her hand, and she tried to not to think about the fact that it was the second time today that he'd touched her. That those brief exchanges had each made her heart beat just that much faster. That she knew she'd spend tonight thinking about his touch for so very much longer than she should.

He kneeled down across from her, popping the candy in his mouth and tossing the wrapper in the trash. Pam fought the urge to pick it back out and pocket it, a little souvenir of the day. The only reason she didn't was that he would have seen her do it, and she had no acceptable explanation for doing so except to tell him that she loved him and everything he touched meant something to her. She wouldn't have even known how to form the words to make such a statement. So she let it go, like so many other moments she'd let pass her by since his return.

They worked without speaking for a while, finishing up on the primary colored burro only to move on to the parrots that had hung on either side of Karen's desk. 

"Dwight certainly took out his enthusiasm to be back on these poor creatures," Pam joked. Jim nodded silently in agreement. She was happy for his help but could see he was back to being tense.

"Are you okay?" she asked. His head jerked up, and he met her gaze briefly, only to look back down at the floor.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just want to get this done so I can go home."

"Then go home. You don't have to stay and help," she said, feeling more than a little hurt at his words and his brusque tone. "I can finish this myself." She got up and moved into the conference room to clean up the broken pieces of the burro left in there. 

She didn't turn the light on in the conference room, as there was plenty of it spilling in from the main office area. She also didn't want to draw attention to the fact that she felt tears coming to her eyes and she just didn't have it in her to stop them. She sat on her knees with her back to the door, trying to focus on just breathing normally. Was it always going to be so hard to be near him? Couldn't he see she was trying so hard to be his friend?

She heard him walk in so she shut her eyes and wiped the tears away. The last thing she wanted was for him to see her crying. She was relieved when he sat down next to her, the shadows preventing him from noticing her tears.

"I'm sorry, Pam," he said, resting his chin on his bent knees, his arms hugged around them. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded." He sounded so sad Pam forgot her own tears instantly.

"What's happened, Jim?" she asked softly, instinctively putting her hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

He didn't answer at first, just stared at the nothingness in front of him. "I'm pretty sure Karen and I are through," he finally said.

Though a part of Pam couldn't resist feeling relieved, she loved him too much to be happy at his obvious misery. "Oh," she replied. "I'm so sorry, Jim."

He shrugged. "It's probably for the best," he said, "she deserves more."

What more any person could ask for was lost on Pam, but she kept that thought to herself. She hand was still on his shoulder, and she found herself gently rubbing her thumb against the cotton weave of his shirt. Her heart ached for him, seeing him so melancholy, while she felt the tears returning because she wanted so much for him to want her, not pining for what he'd lost with Karen. Before she even realized what she was doing, Pam leaned over and wrapped her arms around Jim's shoulders. "I'm sorry," she said again.

Jim sat completely still, and Pam thought perhaps she'd overstepped her bounds. She started to sit back, already feeling embarrassed, only to feel Jim's arms suddenly wrap around her and pull her close as he sat up straighter. She instantly hugged him tighter, melting into his embrace. She said a quick prayer for time to stop instantly, but it went ignored. They clung to each other for what seemed like ages, and tentatively Pam eventually pulled back to look at him. She saw that look behind his eyes again, and thought maybe she finally knew what it meant. She kissed him - or he kissed her, she really did not know. All she could think was that she was finally were she wanted to be, and if this was her only chance, she was going to make the most of it.

The sound of a beeping truck outside broke the spell, and Pam pulled away, feeling uncertain and worried. "I'm - I'm sorry," Pam said, completely unable to look at him.

"God," she heard Jim say, his voice full of anguish, "please don't be sorry."

Those five words suddenly explained everything to Pam. His distance from her. Karen's leaving this afternoon. What had been behind his eyes this whole time. She immediately kissed him again. And again.

"You're right, I'm not sorry," she finally said, her lips close to his ear. "There are so many other things I'm sorry for, but not this. I love you so much, Jim."

Jim held her face in his hands. He rested his forehead against hers. "Where do we even begin - "

"to talk about things? to make up for everything?" she said, her voice betraying her returning tears.

He nodded. "I have really missed you." 

"Not as much as I've missed you," she replied.

Jim let out a laugh, and let his hands seek out hers. "Is this a competition?" he asked. "Because I'm pretty sure I'll win if it is."

"I wouldn't be on it, if I were you," she grinned. "I think I started missing you even before you left."

He shook his head, looking down at her hands that were now tightly locked in his. "Let's get out of here," he said. "We'll clean this stuff up tomorrow."

"Where?"

"Anywhere. How close is your apartment?"

She looked up at him, and felt herself go a little weak. "Not far," she replied.

Jim stood up and offered his hand to help her stand as well. "Could we go there?" he asked, his eyes full of meaning. Meaning she completely understood now.

"Yes. Please." 


	2. Chapter 2

Once they'd decided to leave, they fell quiet again. He held her hand as they walked out of the conference room, only letting it go as he leaned under his desk to grab his bag while she went to her desk to turn off her monitor and grab her purse. By the time she'd done that he already has his coat back on, and he waited with her coat outstretched and ready for her to slip into. When she turned around, his hands touched her face again, and his lips soon followed. She leaned into him, her hands grasping both ends of his scarf. His kiss was slightly rough, as if he felt she would flee if he didn't hold on tightly.

He needed have worried, because Pam had no intention of letting him go. Her grip on his scarf was partly practical, as this new side of Jim was literally leaving her legless. Jim finally pulled back from the kiss, while his hands rested against her collarbones.

"I guess I should follow you?" he asked, his voice even deeper than usual.

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. The whole situation felt unreal to her, like she was caught in a lovely dream. She was afraid that if she spoke it would all disappear. She thought she'd rather be living this dream than wake up alone again. That could come later.

He reached for her hand and they walked to the elevator. They kept glancing at each other, the smallest of smiles appearing between them each time. She felt his thumb caressing the soft spot between her thumb and forefinger, and she didn't understand how such an unassuming patch of skin could have so many nerve endings. There was no other way to explain the goosebumps that were running up and down her spine, and the warmth that started in her belly and was quickly moving lower. She closed her eyes briefly. He still loves me, she thought. After everything, he still loves me.

He walked her to her car. "See you there?" he said, his look suddenly cautious.

She couldn't help but grin. "Probably, seeing as I live there." She saw him look down at the blacktop, embarrassed. She raised his hand to her lips and held it there until he looked up at her again. "This isn't the part where things get awkward, is it?" She asked gently. 

She saw the clouds behind his eyes disappear. "No," he should his head, starting to smile his familiar uneven adorable smile. "Not anymore." 

She gave him a quick kiss and opened her car door. "Good," she smiled.

Pam reached her apartment first, and her thoughts on walking through the door were how completely unready for company she was. She took off her coat, trying to think what she could tidy up quickly. She caught herself mid-thought. Jim wasn't coming here to see her apartment. There were more important things to think about besides clearing off the coffee table. Like what she expected would happen when he walked through that door. Like what she wanted to happen. Like what she was willing to let happen. 

She expected they'd sit down and talk. There was, after all, so much still unsaid, unexplained between them. They would clear the air and discuss where things stood, and maybe even make some tentative steps in the direction of what they'd do next. They had Roy to consider, and Karen too. But she wasn't forgetting how it felt to kiss him, either. She had no doubt any and all conversations would be interrupted at regular intervals to kiss him. To touch him. To cuddle up with him. 

What would happen after that? It made Pam a little lightheaded when she considered the options. Would he be leaving alone or staying overnight? If she was being honest, the chances he would stay were significantly better than half. She knew they should probably take it slow. She expected he would probably agree. But deep down, she knew it wouldn't take much of a push on his part for her to give in. Her first fantasies of being with Jim predated her break-up with Roy by years, and since he'd returned from Stamford they had certainly increased in number and intensity. It was something of an understatement to say she wanted him.

She heard the knock at the door and wiped her hands against her skirt. She was nervous. She was anxious. She was excited. Above all though, she was happy. She opened the door and there he was, his tall frame filling the entrance. Their eyes met, and if Pam doubted she'd ever understand the expressions behind her eyes, she was just proven wrong. There was absolutely no room for misinterpretation. He wore his love for her openly, his desire for her without a note of hesitation. She knew then as she invited him in that the sun would rise before he would be stepping back over that threshold.

Jim dropped his bag on the floor near the wall and slipped his coat off, draping it over the back of the oversized rocking chair. He turned back to Pam, a look of hesitation on his face, as if he waited for her lead. The sight of him in her living room, alone with him in her private space, and she took the path of least resistance. She reached up and kissed him, first gently, then with more urgency as she pushed his suit jacket off his shoulders. Jim managed to toss it onto the rocking chair without even taking his lips from hers. As she brought her arms up around his neck, he slipped his down along her sides, resting them on her hips as he pulled her closer. Pam opened her mouth and found Jim more than eager to explore her with his tongue. She felt her legs beginning to get rubbery again, and slowly began to pull him back toward her bedroom. 

There was a little voice in the back of her head (sounding remarkably like that snooty girl in high school that she just hated) telling her that she was moving too fast. Surely there were things to consider before just falling in to bed with the man, even if it was Jim. But the minute she heard that argument, her response was a strong I want this. For once I'm going to just let go and have what I want. When she reached her bedroom door, Jim paused. "Are you sure?" he asked, brow knit tight in concern.

She tilted her head slightly. "Aren't you?"

"God, yes," he replied, his voice husky.

"Then that's all I need to know." She stood up on tiptoes to kiss him again.

As they made their way into Pam's bedroom, hands began the task of removing clothing. His tie undone, her fingers worked their way down his shirt buttons. He tugged her blue cardigan off first, and her striped shirt was next on his list as his large fingers were more than adept at the tiny buttons. His fingers stilled for a moment when she reached for his belt, pressing a kiss into his chest as she slid it from his belt loops. Once she succeed in unzipping and removing his pants, he made quick work of the rest of her buttons and her skirt zipper. He had one knee on the bed as he began to kiss her shoulders, all the while reaching around to unhook her lace bra. He let it fall to the floor with the rest of their clothing and encouraged her to join him on her bed. They stretched out on the silky comforter has he hovered above her, slowly kissing her face and neck, his hands wandering down over her full breasts. As his lips traveled the path his hands had taken, Pam closed her eyes and breathed out a sigh a pleasure as he explored her breasts with his mouth. She couldn't remember the last time something felt that good, and she was glad that her fantasy of Jim's style seemed not very different from reality. Unlike her previous sexual partner, she somehow knew she would be able to trust Jim to remember her needs, too.

There was almost a reverential silence has he touched her body. The only noises to be heard were their breathing, both coming a little harder now, and the sounds of pleasure Pam could not resist making when he moved against her in just the right way. And he seemed to be doing a lot of that.

He stroked her belly with his hands, placing next a line of wet kissing down it, all the way to the elastic band of her panties. They were a pale peach satin, but definitely more Hanes than Victoria's Secret. Jim didn't even seem to notice as he ran his fingers slowly under the waist band, clearly enjoying the way she held her breath for a moment when he first touched her there. He pulled them down slowly, and when he was done and had tossed them on the floor, he went back and placed a line of kisses from one hip to the other, his tongue ever so carefully tasting her along the way. Her hands were on his shoulders, and she clenched her fists in anticipation. She hadn't expected attention like this, and she couldn't remember the last time she'd even been in this situation. But Jim clearly had her satisfaction on his mind, and she wasn't about to stop him.

He placed a kiss at the point where her legs came together, then gently ran his hands along the insides of her parted thighs. When he pressed his face against her inner thigh, she could feel the stubble from his chin, and it made her shiver. He noticed her reaction and brushed his cheek carefully along each thigh, before settling in on more delicate areas. As soon as she felt his fingers she let out a moan and moved against him. Her eyes still closed she could feel him exchanging his fingers for his mouth, and the sensation of his tongue against her nearly caused her to come immediately, as evident by her sudden and loud moan. She thought she heard him chuckle, which made her immediately giggle. However the laughter died on her lips as he continued his magic. When she felt his fingers slide into her her, she couldn't resist arching her hips and saying his name in a such a deep sigh it even surprised her. It wasn't long until he took her all the way to such an intense climax she worried immediately afterwards that the neighbors had heard her.

Jim wasted no time in working his way back up to her, sliding his body against hers as he nestled himself between her legs. She could feel him hard against her. His mouth was warm and demanding against hers and she surrendered to him willingly.

"Go on," she encouraged. "I want you, Jim."

He groaned against her mouth and finally gave in to his desire. His initial thrust left her breathless, and his rhythm of fast in, slow out satisfied them both. She wrapped her legs around his hips, feeling like he could never be close enough. She could feel the muscles of his back moving as she clung to him. Given the build up she was impressed that he lasted as long as he did, and his kiss when he was done was so incredibly tender that she felt overcome with emotion.

"I love you," she whispered as he lay recovering on top of her. When he moved off of her, she rolled toward him, not willing to be parted from him just yet. She was amazed to see evidence of tears in his eyes, and she reached up and fondly wiped an errant bit of moisture from his cheek.

"I love you, too," he replied, his eyes never leaving hers. "I have always loved you." Once again, she marveled at how clearly she could finally read those beautiful hazel eyes. He cuddled up against her, the stillness between them comfortable and natural. 

His arm was wrapped possessively around her waist, and he nuzzled the skin behind her ear. Minutes had passed before he finally spoke again. "You understand that I'm never going to let you live this down. Never."

She turned her head toward him. "What are you talking about?"

"You dragged me into your bed even BEFORE our first date. Honestly, Pam, I had no idea you were soooo easy."

"Maybe I just didn't want to risk you getting away again."

Jim seemed to mull that explanation over for a moment. "Nah, I think I'm going to stick with easy." 


End file.
